Personal Power

Well you know that saying it takes 21days to break a habit and the best way is to also replace it with a new (healthier/better for you)habit I think it is true to a point. The point it becomes a little cloudy is when you are finally starting to get used to the " New" way you act,think,be and care about yourself there will come a test...of how much are you really wanting to act,think,be and care about yourself. How "Bad" do you really want to change? How " Much" do you really believe you are worth caring for?
My first " Test" came this last couple of weeks..and let's just say if it were a test to be graded I think I may have to take the test over . Does this mean I throw in the towel? Has the " Fat Lady" sang her final curtain call? Am I rolled up in a ball...sucking my thumb and wishing I never had started this in the first place?
I really did think of quiting...throwing in the towel and honestly I did roll up into a ball for a couple of days (at least mentally)
I encountered some events this last couple of weeks that had me start to question the new thought processes I have been working on..I had my feelings hurt...my heart tested..and my personal power broken...I let others hurtful actions and words start to make me question my new found belief that I am worth something..that I just may be pretty..that I have more to offer than I allowed myself to believe..those new toughts began to fade and my old thought patterns started to creep back in. The ones that told me for years and years how unworthy...ugly and fat I am..even though those thoughts were not true...they became my reality for many years and they actually came true at times (what you think about you bring about). I began to sink back into that pool of "self hate" and although not a fun place to be it was oddly comforting..why because it was familiar...I began to start telling myself " Why do I even try I am never going to be able to do it" and " Who was I fooling I can't be anything"
This may all sound like whining or depressing and you know if I stayed there it would be...the reason I am writing this is...if I can help someone else realize that these sort of thoughts happen to not just them..then it is worth me letting everyone else know what I go through on a day to day basis. I did let someone else hurt me but it was me who allowed others actions to affect me..I began to realize its not my problem what others may say..do or act towards me...I can only control how I how react...so after a couple of days of "ICK" I began to realize this and gain my power back.
Personal Power is for one to know and be comfortable in who they are without having others validate it for you..it is also not controling others actions to produce an outcome you wish..it is learning to control your own actions and reactions and realizing that Power comes from within and no one can take it as long as you don't allow it.
So... we are all on a journey and we all get to decide how that journey goes...remember.. like I said in a previous post " Love of others is important but love for yourself is what makes things happen"
I am still committed to losing weight and being my best me...and I realize I have the power to make that happen..no one can take that from me...unless I let them...and if I slip it is ok...I can get it back. =)

Love all
Meg