I thought I would put up a picture of me....this one is of me yesterday....Tom and I went on a 4 hour hike up in the Boise foothills it was a lot of fun but also very hard for me to keep up with him and not spit up a lung but boy did I feel good afterwords even though every part of me was sure to be not feeling so good in a couple of hours it felt good to feel all the muscles in my body reacting to movement...it is one thing to be in the gym...but to be outside and breathing in the fresh air and climbing up a real hill..is soooo different.
Love ya
Meg

The Struggle
We all have struggles in this life we are living and some of us have more than others and some of us even try to ignore or refuse to see them. I am really good at ignoring or down right refusing to look at mine.
Now most people assume that the reason that people are over-weight is the plain fact that we just eat too much...and the very bottom line does come out to be the final truth...but what is not true is that we all get up in the morning and start our day with the most fattening thing we can find and just continue on from there...nope not true for all...and not true for me....I was not sitting at home with bags of chips surrounding me...and food hiding in places that I only know where they are... that was not my "struggle"
My "struggle" started a very long time ago...why it started I don't know and to be honest doesn't matter..what matters is that I face it...and maybe sharing it with all of you even makes it more real.
My "struggle" is ...not eating all day long and then eating once..and when you don't eat for long periods of time your body goes into survival mode and starts sending out messages to all parts of your body....it tells your metabolism to slooooow down don't burn all that we are going to need it...it then says store all the fat we can.. we are going to need it for later..we don't have enough to function....it basically says STOP EVERYTHING we are in trouble here. So years of this has formed my body to the shape it is now...so hmmm the logical thing to do would be to reverse this pattern. Yes that is the "logical" thing to do...but it is not like walking into a room and flipping a switch..it takes time to "struggle" with the illogical thoughts that have become ingrained and literally become pathways in my brain.
The reason I stopped eating.... is in my brain people who eat all the time were fat so i would not eat and I did not like to eat in front of people I knew..so i wouldn't eat.. then at the end or even sometimes the middle of the day...I was starving.. so I would eat and eat big..lots of cheese...anything that was gooey it was for me. Then I was full way too full and wouldn't eat again(punishing myself for eating)because remember only fat people eat....do you see the cycle I created for myself?
Ok now i am eating and having to track everything and it is HARD.. my brain just does not want to cooperate with my logic...and counting calories is difficult because --Remember fat people eat---and to convince myself to eat on a consistent basis is harder than going to the gym.
Ok long enough for today..just needed to see it out of my brain!

By the way what I have been calling a "Struggle" can you see that it is a "DISORDER" ?

" Get out of your Head...your brain is a Dangerous neighborhood..do not go in alone!"

The Goal

Hi All
So I am officially entered in the Humphrey's Weight Loss challenge and it is Day 1 of my fund-raiser....Some of you have asked what my goal is and well my ultimate goal is not a number on a scale or a size on a piece of clothing but to be fit and healthy..that is a lifetime goal a way of life and what I want for myself. Now as far as a goal for this challenge my weight loss goal is 80lbs in the 23week period..it is a bit of a stretch but it is doable...
Just a little tracking info for you I have 30 people pledging and when I hit my goal weight you all will have donated to "City Light" over $2400.00 That makes my heart smile..you all are amazing...I feel so blessed to have so many people in my life that care about me and who see the value in helping others.....

Now there are some funny little goals I have....things that I have not been able to do for a long while
1. Travel on an airplane and be able to fasten the seat belt( with out passing out)
2. Not panic (inside myself) when I am at a restaurant with friends and they sit us at a table with chairs that have arms...will I fit !! OMG
3. Shop in a store other than Lane Bryant and the plus Department in others
4. Not have to return clothes family have bought for me that are still the size I was 10yrs ago(love is blind)
Just a few little things =)

Love ya
Meg

THE GOAL : To love myself as much as I love all of you =)

Good Morning ( I think)

Well I know that emotions are going to go crazy during this time of change..but I did not think they would be crazy right now. I am getting ready to go and weigh in and I can't stop crying...I know how much I weigh so that is not the fear. ...but what i am thinking is that it is going to become REAL to me...once I go and get on that scale it is going to be pretty hard to not ignore what is going on with my body...
I have had several of you say how proud you are of me for putting it all "out there" and it really had not hit me til now...I'm not just putting it all out there for everyone but it is going to be "out there" for me...I am not going to be able to hide from myself...lie to myself...etc etc.
Wow......

WOW !!

Hi All

I am so thankful for the network of friends I have...you all do not have any idea how much your words...pledges...and general caring for others has moved me...I am so blessed!!

Ok so 26 of you have pledged to donate to my fund raiser and I am so excited..this gives me the accountability to want to do this and do it with passion...by you pledging you are going to touch so many lives and make a difference in the world and that makes my heart smile.

I am also so full of joy to know how many of you believe in me...I am going to make you all proud...I know that this is not going to be easy but it is going to be the best change and growth I have had in a long time and you all have a hand in that.

Love ya

Meg

Tomorrow is the Big Weigh in DAY !!!

EEEEEK!

So excited!!

Hello Everyone!
I just wanted to let you all know that as of now I have had 17 people pledge to donate to my fund-raiser!! I just wanted to thank all of you who have pledged and all of you who have offered support...it means so much to me to know how much you care.
I am excited about this challenge and the journey it is going to take us all on...I said all because I will be keeping you all updated on my progress thru this blog!
I weigh in on Friday May 1st and will post my first picture and let you know how the day went!
Love ya
Meg